ArcaMax

These two blondes rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They're amazed at the number of fish that they catch, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"

The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?"

The first blonde then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll...Read more

A police recruit was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

In the blank, he wrote, "Call for backup."

In prison, you get your own personal toilet.

At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you're done so you can do something for them.

In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.

At home, you get to take care of ...Read more

When my granddaughter, Abby was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from." The purpose was to understand your genealogy.

I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?" I responded quite nervously because my ...Read more

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous ...Read more

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were ...Read more

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

“That customer's going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”

“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell...Read more

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, ...Read more

One day, Hercules, Snow White and the Quazzimodo (Hunchback of Notre Dame) were standing around talking. Hercules spoke up and said, "I bet I am the strongest man in the world."

Snow White then looked around and said, "Well I bet that I am the most beautiful person in the world."

Then Quazzimodo looks around and quietly said, "I suppose that ...Read more

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first.

"Oh," ...Read more

The teenager approached the sales clerk in the dress shop with a large bag. “My mother likes this outfit -- may I exchange it?

A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college.

Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.

"Well", says the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."

"Really!" says the master. "Say something in a foreign language."

The dog says, "Meow ! "

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but ...Read more

Airhead Airlines, Flight 101, is coming in for a landing, and the pilot is freaking out. The sweat is jumping off his brow.

Finally, he lands. He turns to the co-pilot, and he says, "Man, that is the shortest runway I ever landed on."

The co-pilot says, "Yeah, and so wide."