Peace of Mind Is Possible
Dear Annie: Families Anonymous could be a great help to many of the people who write in to you. The program is most often associated with families dealing with loved ones who struggle with addiction, but I discovered it has value in many other situations as well.
I first attended Families Anonymous because I was overwhelmed with anxiety about my son not finding employment after graduating from college. I spent sleepless nights worrying, replaying every possibility and trying to solve something that was not mine to fix. Through Families Anonymous meetings and literature, I began to understand that I could not control his choices or outcomes. What I could control was my own peace of mind and how I chose to respond.
The lessons were simple but powerful. By trying to manage his life, I was not helping him, and I was only hurting myself. Letting go of that unproductive worry gave me freedom and strength. It also allowed me to show up for my son with calm support instead of constant fear.
Even if in-person meetings are not available nearby, Families Anonymous offers excellent books and pamphlets that can be ordered online. For anyone weighed down by the struggles of loved ones, this program provides both comfort and practical tools for healthier living. -- Family Anonymous
Dear Family Anonymous: Thank you for sharing this resource. Families Anonymous can be a lifeline for people weighed down by the choices of loved ones, whether the issue is addiction, unemployment or simply the anxiety of wanting to fix what we cannot control. You are right. Their literature and meetings offer perspective, comfort and a gentle reminder that our peace of mind matters, too.
I am grateful you wrote in. I know other readers will benefit from your experience.
Dear Annie: I feel like I am constantly being pulled in too many directions, and I do not know how to handle it anymore. Between work, raising kids, caring for aging parents and trying to keep some sort of social life, I am stretched so thin that I am starting to feel resentful. My friends and family all seem to assume I will say yes whenever they need something, whether it is babysitting, covering an extra shift or hosting yet another family get-together. If I do say no, I am made to feel guilty, like I am being selfish. The truth is, I am exhausted. I want to be there for the people I care about, but I also know I cannot keep running myself into the ground. How do I set boundaries without pushing people away or feeling like the bad guy? -- Overwhelmed and Worn Out
Dear Overwhelmed: You are not selfish, and you are not the bad guy. You are simply human, and like everyone else, you only have so much energy to give. Boundaries are not walls that shut people out; they are fences that protect your well-being so you can show up as your best self. Start small. The next time someone asks for a favor you truly cannot manage, try saying, "I wish I could, but I just do not have the bandwidth right now." That is a complete sentence, and it does not require apology or explanation.
The people who truly value you will respect your honesty. The guilt you feel comes from a lifetime of always saying yes, but it will lessen over time as you learn that taking care of yourself is not only necessary but healthy.
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